POV: You Thought It Was Normal, But It’s Not

Who said you might not be a red flag or a beautiful mix of all the flags?

Four weeks ago, I sat for a 24-hour Occupational Health and Safety Certification exam. It was an open-book exam, so I had access to my study materials. While flipping through the manual, a line jumped out at me:

Repeated exposure to unsafe behaviours makes them seem normal.

Though it was written in the context of workplace safety, I immediately saved it to my notes because I could relate to it.

So many of us have been repeatedly exposed to things that aren't healthy for us. But because we’ve grown accustomed to them, we begin to believe they are normal. When, in truth, they are anything but.

In life, we may come across people who lovingly point out these “unsafe behaviours” we’ve internalized: attitudes, habits, and emotional patterns we no longer even notice. And on the off chance we don’t encounter such people, I hope we develop the awareness to identify them ourselves.

Equally important is the ability to recognize these behaviours in others, especially those whose actions impact our lives or relationships. You shouldn’t have to suffer because of someone else’s unresolved patterns. Your peace is not a price you should pay for another person’s avoidance.

I like to believe I’m fairly self-aware, although, admittedly, some people would disagree. I’ve come to realize that I, too, carry certain unsafe behaviours that affect how I relate to the people around me. And yes, I need to work on them. But here’s a question that’s been circling my mind:

What happens when you know something needs to change, but you don’t even know what kind of help you need?

This isn’t a rhetorical question. I’d love some answers.

As someone deeply interested in growth, all kinds of growth, I believe that recognizing patterns and actively choosing to break free from the harmful ones is one of the best things you can do for yourself and those around you. Surround yourself with people who don’t just hold you accountable but also hold you up. People who gently call you out and lovingly walk beside you while you figure things out, especially when you don’t have all the answers.

Let’s switch gears.

I’m no relationship expert, but I’ve often heard stories about people cutting others off because they couldn’t tolerate certain behaviours anymore. And it always makes me wonder:

• At what point did you decide to walk away?

• Did you see the signs early on and choose to ignore them?

• If repeated exposure makes such behaviours feel normal, why couldn’t you just adjust?

Maybe those are rhetorical questions. But this writer would still appreciate some real answers.

In the end, if there are any “unsafe behaviours” in your life, whether from you or those around you, try to address them before repeated exposure turns them into your norm. Don’t wait until you're left wondering, “How did it ever come to this?”

💭 Reflect With Me

Have you ever caught yourself normalizing an “unsafe behaviour”? Whether it came from someone else or from within, how did you deal with it? Or are you still learning how?

Leave a comment. I’d genuinely love to hear your thoughts. Your story might help someone else feel less alone.

🌱 What I’m Reminding Myself This Week:

Growth isn’t always loud. Sometimes, it’s just choosing to pause, reflect, and say, “I don’t want this to be normal anymore.”

🧠 Quote to Hold Onto:

You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.

📩 Until next time

Be gentle with yourself. Do the work, but don’t forget to rest. And if no one has told you this today: I’m proud of you.

With love and curiosity,

~AskTheArthur